force of habit

i have no love in my heart

so i will force it.

i will force myself to do loving things,

to have loving thoughts, to be as lovely

as i can be.

maybe one day, i won't have to force

myself anymore and i'll find that the

love in my heart flows out naturally

like a spring of water.

i hope that one day that these habits

will become the real thing and that i won't

be a horrible person anymore with a

horrible heart. until then,

i will try to make myself love.

hypocrite

i do what i hate.

would i do something that i hate?

i wouldn't.

then i must love what i do, but i always regret it after.

am i still a hypocrite?

images

people fall in love with images. when i give you roses, you'll take a snapshot of a moment and use it to define me. when i raise my voice and lose you for a second, you'll take a picture of me, and use it against me when you begin to weigh your options. i wonder how many images you will take of me. i wonder which of them will tip the scales, either in my favor or our end. i hope you will see that i am not just one or many images of one kind, but that i am all of them. romantic and all. anger and all. kisses on the forehead and all. the silent treatment and all. sins and all. the bad images will always outweigh the good and you will look for others, who only show you their best side, you will choose to see their best side and ignore the bad because you find comfort in knowing that at least those images won't be of me.

workshop

i liked the details

because they were

detaily.

i liked the story

because you

told one.

i liked the voice

because you

spoke.

i thought you used

i too much.

i thought the story

wasn't good.

i thought the voice

was inconsistent.

i didn't like it.

i think i'm a liar.

opinions

they don't matter.

you miss running. you miss feeling the ground under your feet as you sprint across a field exhibiting your youth and promise. you feel like a Greek god, an Olympic runner pacing to receive the prize. you miss feeling invincible in the gym. potential to be unleashed with hard work and dedication. you miss the hope of sculpting a body of granite out of what is now a body of dough.

you cling to your pride in hopes of having it all back again, of regaining your former glory.

but you may not. you may have to deal with this pain the rest of your life. all your hopes are in the resurrection, but you're not sure that you will be resurrected into eternal life or eternal damnation.

now as the days go by, you contemplate the future. success or failure awaits. the only contentment you have is in your fantasies of fame or glory or love.

all you have are doubts. i wish you would be sure of something.

romance

her hair flows down like a water fall

his hard body meets her soft skin

their bodies fit together like a puzzle

he traces the curvature of her body

with his finger

she rests her head on his abs and sighs,

we read those words and fall down

we crave to live these scenes out

like we are the perfect stars that

act it out, like we are the fantasies

that others will dream of

we do our best to recreate these

moments in real life, but we can

never capture the feelings that

captured us in the first place

so we hold on to these fantasies

hoping that they will come

true one day,

he wakes up next to her

she wakes up next to him

he goes to blow his nose in

the bathroom

she needs to pee

he's hungry and she wants to

shower. he opens his mouth

to say something and she

comments on the weather

both wonder where to go next from here.