what will break me? i wonder.
i feel lonely. i feel beyond the reach
of Jesus. i find comfort that vanishes
as soon as it appears. the girls on the screen
don't know me, but they know how to use
what they've been given.
i want to stop this vicious cycle. this cycle
of abuse, depression, conviction, and recession.
i want to love. in the purest of ways. i want
to love. i want to know how it feels to give it
and receive it. but i'm afraid i'm too numb.
i will keep hoping that i will quit. i always say
"next time." and i wonder, "if not now when?"
i know the time is now. i know that after every
time i sink into loneliness again. i hope that one of
these days instead turning full circle into abuse
i will straighten out into redemption.
