i've been thinking. i am a 3rd year in college. i have one more year. i'm not sad about leaving or anything, i'm worried, pressured about what to do after college. why'd i go to college in the first place, right? aren't you supposed to find what you're supposed to do for the rest of your life in college? ask yourself the same question with more emphasis on "the rest of your life". the rest of my life. i feel that life is too big and too unpredictable and too short to be compressed under a job title. i've been given advice, suggestions from the people that i care about. "you should be a doctor, it matches your personality... your major should be what you want to do and what God wants you to do... just wait for God, you'll be who He wants you to be." so i guess my dilemna isn't that i don't want to be compressed under a job title, it partly is, but mostly it's that i know what i want to do and i'm afraid of failing. my parents believe that i'm in the major i'm in for a reason and i should do my best and i agree. i believe that if i chose english as a major and that would be what i want to do and God could use it for His glory. i believe that i will end up as what God wants me to be. but all this doesn't take my fear away, it just makes me more scared and more pressured to just give up. i just want a purpose, a reason, but maybe this is all beyond me, beyond the fear, the worry, the problems.