gold rings

my mother would take off her ring sometimes to wear other ones.
my father never took off his ring. it stayed on his left ring finger.
when i was a kid i'd wonder if it was uncomfortable to have on
all the time. i wasn't sure if i could take the burden of wearing
a ring like that all day, everday, forever. but my father did.
he does. he continues after 20 years.

i'm curious to see if i'll have what it takes to be like him.
to wear that ring. to other women it means that a man
is taken. to other men it means that a man's life is over.
to a lot of people it doesn't mean as much as it did when
they wore it that first day of marriage. to me it means
forever. from beginning to no end.

and for everyone who wears the ring it should mean
that they wear it willingly. that they love nothing more
than to bear this burden of wearing this ring that means
much more than "taken", "life over", and "first time."
that ring means you're me and i'm you. we were two
people when we met and now we're one.

Burn

Remember that lonely summer

when you seared your skin

trying to pick up that frozen

piece of pepperoni on the hot

coil? You ate that pepperoni

and now it’s a part of you. The

burn also became a part of you

and left a lasting impression

on your wrist. A scar.

Remember when she called almost

every day. Remember how she asked

you to take her to her prom and you

took her doing your best to keep

your hips to the beat.

Remember the day when she was

packing up, leaving for college

and all you could do was hug her

and say goodbye.

Remember the disappointed look on

her face when you wished her good

luck at college and left her standing

in her driveway. That summer

ended when she and her

boyfriend posted pictures of

their good times online.

All you got from that summer

was a lasting impression, a scar.

going green

Thanks Al Gore for opening up my eyes.
I knew too much of anything was bad, but
carbon dioxide really takes the cake.

Global warming is all the buzz and if
everything happens according to plan
we won't have much of a planet left.

It's a good thing we have 8 other planets
or else, man, we'd be screwed. Oh wait,
those planets aren't habitable.

I wonder what the other countries
are doing to stop global warming.
I've got a few bright American ideas of my own.

I guess we all gotta go green.
Stop cutting down trees, stop using
gasoline, and stop making babies.

I just hope it isn't too late or else
we'd just have to stop breathing.
It's time to give back to the planet

that's been so giving. But then again
this could be the beginning of the end
and who knows when Jesus is coming back.

Maybe we'll all start over again. Live in caves
like way back when, and hunt for our food,
the only difference is that we'd leave better

cave drawings. Or we could all build a giant boat,
put all the animals in and God will make it rain for a
while, and when we come out the other side

everything will be better than before. Or
we can just do what the rest of the world
is doing and start consuming a little less.

everywhere

"it's the same thing every week."
"yea i hear you." i said as i just walked out of an intense prayer and worship time. i cried, i prayed, i walked out to go to the bathroom to find my old church friends waiting around. i said hi and asked how they were doing. "fine," they said. the question to the first line went something like this, "so, do you go out to the fellowship at your colleges?" "no." and the first line was the reasoning. after all that praying and crying i went through. i sobered real quickly. was it the same every week? what i felt in worship was real. i guess they meant that it was just the same thing. Jesus. Jesus this and Jesus that. we grew up in the same church. maybe they had enough or they got the point.
"uh oh we got another crier." as a girl walked out of worship to go to the bathroom. i knew her and i knew that Jesus was working in her. i couldn't help but sit there and take in the cynicism.
"i never cry. i tried to cry in worship and stuff, but i couldn't."
"some people cry and some don't," was the best reply i could come up with.
was Jesus something or someone that we could get sick of. had people had enough of Him. i heard a message this past week which the main point of it was to invite Jesus in everything we did. i know i don't do that. maybe that's a big thing that we're not doing. what do i have to lose. Jesus, i cordially invite You to my life.

break

what will break me? i wonder.
i feel lonely. i feel beyond the reach
of Jesus. i find comfort that vanishes
as soon as it appears. the girls on the screen
don't know me, but they know how to use
what they've been given.

i want to stop this vicious cycle. this cycle
of abuse, depression, conviction, and recession.
i want to love. in the purest of ways. i want
to love. i want to know how it feels to give it
and receive it. but i'm afraid i'm too numb.

i will keep hoping that i will quit. i always say
"next time." and i wonder, "if not now when?"
i know the time is now. i know that after every
time i sink into loneliness again. i hope that one of
these days instead turning full circle into abuse
i will straighten out into redemption.

one waterfalls

there were 3 water falls
each one had a distinct character to it
one had misty -almost like vapor- water floating down
one had beautiful blue water pounding the rocks below
the last had thick crystal clear water pure as snow trickling down

each waterfall was different and beautiful in its own way
each waterfall flowed down a different way
but each waterfall flowed into the same pool
the same pool where all men came to drink its living water

i take advantage. i take advantage of God's forgiveness. in taking advantage i find myself sinning over and over and over not realizing what sin really is. sin is ugly. it's more than ugly. it's the worst thing imaginable. and why do i keep on sinning? besides my sinful nature i think after a cycle of sin has taken place and forgiveness is asked from God over and over, sin loses its sinfulness to us. i find that when my sin is exposed for the world to see i can feel the weight of the sin. the shame and embarassment of it. the regret and guilt of it. the feeling you have when you are caught. the unforgiving hearts of people. then i turn to God and realize that the definition of sin has not changed in His eyes. i am even worse off because in God's eyes sin is even more of an abomination to Him than it is to the world. i am put to more shame, more embarrassment, more guilt, and more regret. the difference is that God will forgive and forget every time because of Jesus. He is that good.