a change of heart

i don't know if i've had a change of heart or maybe a misdirection of worry and fear. big difference, i know. i imagined myself traveling around the world like some kind of nomad or wanderer. but i find myself wanting to settle. to settle down and start a family sounds like the normal thing to do, but i think it's an insane adventure that people choose to go on. people have always been looking for a purpose, a reason to exist, and have gone around looking and seeking for meaning to life and naturally it makes sense for all of us to wander, exploring the world. isn't it against our nature to settle; to mate with one person for the rest of our lives and raising kids to do the same. isn't that boring and wrong and unnatural? the more i think about it, i get scared. scared that i won't be able to provide, to nurture, to love. the more i think about it, i settle for the 9 to 5 job, the 2.5 kids, and house with a picket fence. the minivan, the family trips, and the holiday visits to grandma and grandpa. maybe it isn't so bad. and then i think about 20 years from now and whether i'll look back and say what could've been. hopefully i'll look at my family; my wife and kids and say i wouldn't have it any other way.