i don't think i have writer's block, but i've lost the will to really write or wonder about things. i mean i still do, sometimes. but, i don't have that zone that i would get into to write. the world seemed so complicated and i was so eager to figure everything out. now, the world seems so plain to me. i don't want to figure it out because i can't.

from this time last year, i think i've lost a lot of faith. or maybe i've cut away the fat from the meat and it turns out that there wasn't much meat to start out with. starting from that, i feel that i'm starting from scratch. all of my deep issues have risen to the surface. i've tried my best to ignore them. my issues with love, acceptance, forgiveness, faith have all bubbled up and i've filled my time doing work, playing games, watching tv, anything to escape the reality of dealing with these things.

the truth is that i never truly believed that God loves me, i never could accept myself therefore i believed God rejected me, Jesus died for me but i couldn't believe that He was enough for my forgiveness, and faith, i had faith in myself, not Him.

Lord Jesus, i let go.