i wonder why i want this so badly.
to feel and be felt. i tell myself
i want to be free from this fire,
my desire, but i go back to it
because i think i need it. maybe
i do. then after i tell myself
i want to be free. i am free.
but i am free from touch in this
touchless world and i want
to go back. but i want to be free
from the touch of my mind.
the illusion of my fantasy.
i need to feel.

when i am done
i sober up and
i see things as
they are
as they should be
but before and during
i am lost in what
could be and what cannot
and i wonder why
i want this so badly.