to new

i'm having this mental block. this barrier that i can't seem to let go or get through or break. i just want to breathe but i can't even do that. i think. i constantly think about everything. i think about thinking. maybe it's satan's attempt to get me to fall backwards. to get me to my old ways again. but i want to move on. to new.

my old ways were denying me. i was listening to people all around me, but i wasn't really hearing Him, i was hearing them. i was told all these things and i tried to do them, but it shouldn't have been me doing in the first place. i was blind and deaf and i wasn't understanding. but all fingers pointed to You. now i'm ruined. nothing can stand in comparison to You.

so i find myself beginning a journey. of seeking on my own. walking and living out my own story in His light. i still have troubles, i still have questions, but that doesn't matter anymore. i don't want to worry about what others say unless it brings me closer to You. but now i know i must seek You alone. without anyone telling me how it is, just You guiding me into new.