i fantasize about writing a script and having that script sold, filmed, winning awards, being called the best written script of all time, getting a piece of the multi-million dollar pie, and living off one success the rest of my life. being known as the guy who wrote the Academy Award winning "insert future film title."
but i get caught up in that and i'd rather just sit thinking about how i'm going to do this and do that, how i'm going to be better at this, improve in that, take time to learn this, and the list goes on. sometimes i feel a panic that i'm not going to do what i always dreamed of doing, which should make me work harder at something, but whenever i have that pressure to achieve, i just shut down.
it's weird.
basketball players dream of making that game winning shot, being like mj.
mma fighters all want to be the best. to win that belt, to be champion. bj penn said, "I just want to be the best ever. Is that too much to ask?"
every kid out there has some kind of pipe dream of being the best in everything, but as you get older, you realize that you can only choose one thing and there's a big chance that you won't be the best in it.
but they all try. we all try. some fail trying to learn the basics. some give up under the high demands of practicing their craft. some fail trying to reach the top and losing to better competition. some just crumble under the pressure of not being good enough and constant failures.
i think most of us can say that we all failed at something at some point, but very few of us can say, "yeah, i'm the best." a lot of us, including myself, just throw in the towel. i think i throw in the towel before i even try.
i just look at my failures or look at the task in front of me and say, "wow, i can't do it." that's something i need to really look at in myself and convince myself to just try, but at the same time, i think that there's a beauty in simple Gospel truth in these everyday challenges. the truth is that some or most of us won't be able to do it, many of us won't be the best. and some people go into depression or they go and work harder, but i don't believe the solution to it all is to "just keep going, or keep pressing on" because sometimes no matter how hard you push, you won't be able to move a brick wall.
i find that once the pressure is off, once the whole label or title of wanting to be the best is out and when the burden is lifted off your shoulders, you are truly free to be the best. it's a weird thing. once the pressure is off, i find myself wanting to actually do the things i want, to follow through on some things that i find challenging or difficult. and that's what Christ did for me.
instead of trying to keep the rules and be the best Christian i could be, i found that i was more of a lawbreaker, a worse person, and that i was failing constantly. it wasn't until i heard the Gospel of trusting in Christ's finished work on the cross and His resurrection that i felt that i was truly free to be me. and not just that. He freed me to do my best for His glory.
we all get caught up in something, in trying to be the best or at least imagining so without any follow through because we're afraid of failing and rightfully so. we will fail, but in Him we find all we need. we find that we can't do it and that's great. He can do it and then we can be free to do our best.
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