waiting

i used to believe waiting was the best part. the anticipation of a moment. the chills or tingles or adrenaline pumping through your veins because what you were waiting for was finally about to arrive. it's not the goal, but the journey that matters.

well, yes and no.

i used to love the waiting because you had something to be excited about. you looked forward for who knows how long for the last (supposedly) post-mortem Tupac album to drop. for the last Harry Potter movie to come out (please J.K., just one more book). for the latest iPhone, the five v-necks you ordered from gap in different shades of gray, the 12 books you ordered separately on Amazon Prime so you could open each package like a giddy 10 year old girl on Christmas morning. sure, we look forward to reading these books, seeing the movie, listening to the album, wearing the v-necks, playing Angry Birds on the iPhone, but at the same time, a little part of us is disappointed after we experience these things. why?

because it's over.

no more anticipation, no more excitement. why do shopaholics keep shopping? they think that one scarf or blouse or handbag will really complete their wardrobe, but then it's all over when they purchase it. they don't get that same feeling when they first saw that piece of clothing. they don't feel that same excitement from first purchasing that item when they continue to wear it. maybe that's why a lot of dudes throw away their first wives when they see a better and younger version of their wives. wasn't the initial excitement of starting a relationship or even just waiting for the right girl to come along, the most thrilling and heart pumping anticipation that a guy has felt?

but we get caught up in waiting. we want to wait again. after we achieve a goal, we want to achieve better, which isn't bad in some situations. you wrote a novel and you want to write a better one, sure, go for it. you want to be healthier and eat organic. expensive, but sure man, knock yourself out eating steroid free meat. but obviously, in other delicate situations, we can't always just go for another goal because we miss the excitement and thrill of the chase. most obvious example?

brett favre.

yes, the man will be a hall of famer. yes, he's had a great career, even has a ring to show for it. yeah, it would've been cool for him to win a ring before he retired and he tried. but he might have overstayed his welcome because let's face it. he didn't say that he wanted to stay to win a ring. mike bibby and juwan howard are still in the nba and on the heat because they want to win a ring. noble. terrible players, but i can still applaud their efforts while bibby misses open 3's and howard stands around in the paint intimidating no one. favre stayed because of the thrill. yeah the ring would've been cool, but favre even said in a documentary that followed him when he won his first and last superbowl ring in the '90s that he was sad because it was all over.

all of the regular season games to get them to their initial goal: the playoffs. then came the playoffs with higher stakes, win or go home, and finally they made it to the big game with the chance to win it all. to be the best in the nfl. all of that drama, the sweat, tears, the frustration, the practices, the interceptions, the touchdown celebrations, the winning field goals, the last minute drive to the endzone. all of that gone. over.

and favre wanted that again. not so much with the goal of winning it all again, but to experience that journey to win it all again.

same with us. we enjoy the anticipation and are disappointed when it's over. that's why there are sequels. we want it to continue. we want to wait again.

but after spending 5 years at a college and now having to really think about what to do with the rest of this earthly life, i can say that waiting isn't it. it is about the goal and actually reaching it. sure, the journey is important. it'll test our patience and we'll have good times and bad. God will change and mold us according to His will and the journey can definitely be part of that. but God didn't send Christ to die and rise again, so we could just anticipate His Kingdom come. His Kingdom will come and we wait for it to be established. the sooner, the better. we want to have glorified, resurrected bodies and to worship God forever, and to live life as He created us to. it's not about waiting. it's about the end that will bring about a new beginning. it's the end that will bring about eternity. where we will no longer wait, but enjoy what we have waited for. except this time we will be truly happy, excited, and thrilled, even more so than what we anticipated here on earth.

so i will continue to wait.

but i know i must pursue as well. and maybe that's something better left off for another post...