i'm on fire. liar liar pants on fire. that kind of fire. and at the same time the fire of passion. lustful kind. this fire has been burning for years and i've never had the guts to put it out afraid of what i would burn on, feed on if there was no more. but i want to put it out. i will, God willing. i need to move beyond this, this mentality, this prison of mine. the freedom people say we have in choosing what is right and wrong for us has become my shackle. this sin in me that burdens me has become heavy and i can't bear it any longer. when this fire has had its fill i feel i can do more. that God has a plan and i'm alright. but soon after the fire returns to burden me and i don't trust God anymore, i don't see anything ahead of me except the heavy load that is on me. i want to look beyond all this. to have faith and trust in all times, good and bad. i want to trust so badly in God. this fire that burns in me isn't the fire that i need. i want true fire that will burn in me a passion that is pure and simple in heart. right now the fire has had its fill and i am a hypocrite because i hate the fire and yet i feed it when i want to feel its warmth. God i'm sorry for it all. i'll face the cold as long as it's with You. and i'll wait for the true fire. send down your spark.