there's a lot i want to say so i need to outline this before i forget.
1. spark plug, engine, journey analogy
2. identity
ok nevermind that wasn't as much as i thought.

on to the spark plug and engine analogy. this actually is from mere Christianity but put into my words and metaphors. c.s. lewis talks about marriage and how most people confuse love with "being in love". i heard hulk hogan in an interview about his divorce and the question was, "do you still love your ex-wife, Linda?" he said, "of course i still love her, but i'm not in love with her." it seems most people find that if you're not in love than it's ok to divorce your spouse. c.s. lewis said it best:

"Now no feeling can be relied on to last in it full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called 'being in love' usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending 'They lived happily ever after' is taken to mean 'They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married', then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work ,your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love in second sense--love as distinct from 'being in love'--is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

and on to my unnecessary analogy because who can follow up c.s. lewis, right? anyway. being in love is the spark that starts the engine. accepting Jesus and surrendering to Him and God's will is the spark that starts it all. the engine keeps running and we drive on, we go on the journey for the long haul. road trip. but so often as christians we try to find that spark again. we want to feel that intensity, that fire, that explosion. but we don't realize that the spark was the beginning and we have to move on. what would happen if you kept trying to spark up your engine? yea that's right you'd die. well you wouldn't die, but your car would. people drain themselves, go into depression ::cough cough::, waste time, and lose faith by trying to do this. i pray that people won't do this and keep on fighting the good fight and following the Lord. i know i did this and it kept me from seeing a lot of things. and this leads me to who i am. it's simple. everyone else probably knows this, but i couldn't see what was in front of me. i am simply a Christian. and i know there are many stereotypes and negative views on that word and what kind of person is associated with that word. i believe that people don't know the full meaning and what that word captures and defines. even Christians don't know or people who claim they are. but that's another entry. and i'm happy right now to just know this.