wedding

a man weds a woman. a woman weds a man. there is a wedding ceremony, wedding cake, wedding guests, wedding cards, wedding gifts, wedding pictures, wedding decorations, wedding reception, wedding vows. i think about all these things. the details of a wedding. i never think about what it really means to wed. i never thought about it as an action, just a bunch of details that people put so much care into. what does it mean to wed, to be married. there's a nice ceremony where people are dressed in their best, a reception where there is celebration for the honored couple, but we forget about the details that have become redundant over the years. the vows, the kiss, the guests. what does it all mean?

the vows. aren't vows for knights? for samurais to honor and would fight to the death for? isn't it for that one guy who gets saved by a kung fu master and is indebted to him for life? vows are forever, right? when the action hero takes a vow of vengeance upon the person who killed his family, we expect the hero to follow through. he may get tired, weary, discouraged, but we expect fully that he will get his revenge and that he will make good on his vow. but of course we expect that in a movie. it wouldn't make much of a film if he changed his mind or found another woman to start a family with and forgot about his vow. we'd have serious questions about his character and his intentions. why is it so different with marriage. people are getting divorced left and right. have they forgotten their vows? when they made them, didn't we expect them to follow through? when they said that they would be together until death no matter what circumstances would arise, did we just think that it was a euphemism? maybe i didn't take it so seriously because no one else did. but it just makes us out to be liars. the vows are real. there may be times when you wish you weren't married, when you wish the person you were married to were different, when you want to cheat, when you want to leave, when you want to end it. we want the easy way out. but when we don't keep the vows it kills the relationship and the people involved in it. it hurts the other person when you want to be selfish and break the vows. but remembering them and keeping them keeps the marriage intact. the vows keep the couple alive. the vows are for life.

the kiss. i don't have much experience in this department. i think every kid knows kisses are sometimes wet and sloppy, but the people that kiss you care for you. one day you're too old to be kissed good night and its time to find someone else that you can kiss. the kiss isn't just a physical sweet gesture that lets everyone know that you are together or that you care or that you share the same bed. i believe its symbolic. when you kiss at your wedding you're saying this is my spouse whom i love and will love until death and the only one who i will kiss as long as i live. i don't think its a sin to kiss your parents and your children or a close friend, but that's why the bride and groom kiss lips. i don't know how the kiss came about. maybe adam and eve were hanging out and one of them suggested to the other if they wanted to touch mouths. "like the thing i use to put food into and chew and swallow?" "well, maybe not teeth, but just the outer part of the mouth." and the kiss was born. or maybe they didn't find touching nostrils and ears quite the same thing as touching lips. i figure you don't kiss everyone you meet and that it's reserved for someone you care about and want to share your life with. maybe that's why the kiss comes after the vows. it's a seal. a promise to keep the vows.

the wedding guests. yes, you will invite people that you have never seen before, but at least you can get wedding gifts or money to pay off the wedding from them. but the guests are more than guests. they're witnesses. your best man, maid of honor? men and women to keep you accountable, to make sure that you are making a lifelong choice and that you must keep it. the guests testify to your vows, your kiss, and your lifelong journey together as one. the witnesses are going to be one of the reasons that you keep your vows. you don't want to tell everyone that you have broken your vows that they were witness to. it's shameful and you become a liar. you break the faith that they had in your marriage bond. they don't know all the details of your married life. they don't know what he's really like. they don't know how she treats me. but they care. they care enough to be there to see you join together as one. but i don't want to stay with her or him for their sake, what about what i want? this is what you wanted. you wanted forever. you wanted vows, kiss, the witnesses, and everything. if you didn't mean it, then you shouldn't have. this is why there are no divorce ceremonies. we don't celebrate it. we say forever and mean it. weddings are the beginning of no end.