worship

"There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, in the end, 'Thy will be done.'" -C.S. Lewis

we're all worshipers. i believe we grow up worshiping an ideal version of "you" whatever or whoever that might be. i grew up wanting to be a rich, good looking businessman that had the prettiest girl on his arm living happily ever after. i wanted to be the guys in the movies; i wanted to be james bond, rambo, the athlete, the romantic, the hero. i wanted to be the best, the richest, the most attractive. i wanted to be the desire of everyone's heart. i wanted to be a god. i wanted to be worshiped.

and now at 22 i find myself at these odds. the odds of self-worship against worshiping God. i thought that worshiping God would be easier; it's reasonable enough. give glory to the one who created you, but i find myself desiring my own praise. isn't this evil? doesn't all the evil in the world come out of some form of self-worship? people kill each other because something doesn't go their way; they're not pleased with another person, so they end it. people rape because they want pleasure and will do anything to get it. people steal to satisfy a desire. people cheat, abandon, lie to get their way. because at the center of it all it's a desire to please one's self above all. the devil has the same problem and now he's trying to feed that lie to as many as he can to drag down as many as he can to the hell that he's heading towards. worshiping God requires self-sacrifice; losing yourself; putting others before you. people don't like that. why? because you ask yourself, "well, what do i get out of it?" which is missing the point. i believe that when Jesus said that whoever keeps his life for himself will lose it and those who lose their life for me will find it, he meant that living for yourself isn't the way to live. that by worshiping God, the Creator, and losing yourself in Him you will find who you really are. you will find life in your death. that in self-denial; dying to yourself you will find what it means to truly live, to be like God, but not being God. it's not easy. i find myself natural becoming a devil, while struggling to worship and be like God. i'm happy to have this struggle though. it lets me know that i'm on the right track. that this struggle is the beginning of something that, when finished, will be my natural state, who i really am.