the cable guy

again, no this isn't about that movie. i've never seen it actually, but i hear good things. anyway the tv upstairs wasn't working and i called cox and they sent a cable guy pronto because that's how i roll. i own cox. that sounded terrible. and cox sent the cable guy the next day which was today, but i digress. i was having a talk with my bro, kevin and we always have cool conversations about God and life. we were talking about fasting and cookies and freaks and geeks. earlier we talked about how God works in our lives through people and how great He really is so i should've expected what happened today. i was almost done with another episode of freaks and geeks until the doorbell rang and my dog started yapping. i answered with the dog in my arms and it turns out to be an asian dude. the first thing i notice is his tattoo, i tell him i gotta put the dog away so i put him in my room. i get back to the cable guy, point out the problem with the cable box, and he asks me if i'm korean. i say yea. and the most interesting convo i've ever had with a stranger ensues. i'll probably fill in the details later, but i was blessed in a way and also struck with fear. the dude's name was paul and i know God sent him here for something. other than fixing my cable. but for now i must run.

::update::
he asked me if i was korean and i say yea. i ask him and he says hes korean too. cool, i thought, but not uncommon. he asks if the tv downstairs in the basement works and i say my dad was watching it but it stopped working. so we go downstairs and the tv is fine. it works. he points to my guitar and asks if i play. i say i dabble. he looks at the song i'm trying to learn: bold as love. jimi hendrix? he asks. tough song i say, its real hard, i can't really play it. we go back upstairs and i ask him if he wants anything to drink. he says anything cold, so i get a bottle of water. he says thanks and goes on talking about his guitar and how it's tough to play. the sounds, the tone, its hard, man, he says. that's all i did for 6 months, everyday i'd rip movies and try to learn some riffs and pentatonics. i say that's good, pentatonics are all you need to solo. he goes back to his van to get something. i stay busy coiling up the vacuum cord. he comes back with another cable box and a small laptop. he sets it up and i wait. your parents hardcore christians? he asks pointing to the cross on my couch. my uncle was painting the living room and everything had to be taken down from the walls. the wooden cross was sitting up on the couch in front of the tv. i say yea we're christians. i ask him, what about you. he chuckles and says his parents aren't christians, well they don't follow the path of Christ, but they go to church. i say yea thats the story with a lot of koreans around here. we go into this conversation about koreans and the church. he says I don't believe in the church. i mean i believe in Christ, i'm a Christian, but the church is a man made thing. i notice some profanities as he speaks, but i don't mind. maybe he's just passionate about what he believes. we talk about the youth. he mentions jama, a christian conference up in pennsylvania. i say i heard of it. my friend went to volunteer for it. well it turns out so did he. his aunt and uncle were pastors up there and his cousin was a youth pastor and he went to help him out. he talks about how the kids don't know what's going on. that the same message is spoken about how you're all worthless and you're no good and Jesus died for you. i agree and say i grew up in the church and as a kid when people tell you you're a sinner and Jesus died for you, you don't know what it means. he agrees completely. he talks about how he told his kids in his group at jama to not listen to a certain speaker, that it was bs. he goes into how we need to teach kids how to live. how to fight, how to deal in certain situations. i disagree with some of the things he says, but i don't say it. he talks about how he met a pastor and how he turned out to be the son of the guy who runs jama. he talks about how the pastor he met requested prayer on the same topics that he spoke to the pastor about, the same things he was talking to me about. i say that's God working. he says yea, man. he finishes with the cable. the tv works now. i walk him out and he introduces himself, paul. i'm ryan, i say. nice to meet you man. i say i'll see you around, God bless. he says bye, he doesn't say God bless back.

i realize that God wanted that conversation to happen. i saw that cross on the couch the day before. and i had an urge to put it somewhere else because it was just taking space on the couch. but i didn't. i left it right where it was. that conversation happened because God wanted it to. maybe i'll see paul again, or maybe that conversation was enough for him to start something else. maybe God wanted me to love my neighbor. maybe God wanted me to learn something. i don't have answers. i have questions. why is the most frequent question on my mind. i realize that everything is part of a bigger picture. it's all part of the plan. i used to come up with false revelations to make myself feel better, by answering questions i had that i felt God wouldn't answer. now i'm ok with not having answers. i'm fine knowing that God is in control. i know God will let me know when He wants me to and that i can't make myself grow more than i can make a plant grow. i can say that God is humbling me, that God wants me to love more, that God wants me to do this and that. but God has spoken. God will just us remind us if we forget. if you look in the Bible God didn't give out revelations like they were free samples. also people didn't change overnight. i've struggled with this. telling myself that this was what God was trying to say, all these little nuggets of "wisdom". i'm just waking up to everything around me. God wants me to love Him, love people. and in doing that i know one day i'll look back wondering how i got to that point, how i've changed. but we all have the choice, for better or for worse. hard or easy. right or wrong. i'll look at the cross. that helps.