realize

no this isn't about colbie caillat's song, but yes she is very pretty and talented. anyway if you just realized what i just realized... just kidding.
i realized that i'm a loser. not a loser in the typical sense. i mean i am a loser in the sense of unathletic, doesn't try hard enough, wastes time, feels sorry for himself sometimes, doesn't have a girlfriend, whose highlight of the summer will be watching The Dark Knight in Imax and then some. i am a loser on the outside, but i am a loser on the inside. the outer loser doesn't care. the inner loser cares about becoming nothing. i don't want to die on the inside. but i am. my sins are catching up with me. these past few years are catching up with me. i'm only getting older. and i have no direction. i'll pray. for forgiveness and then some. but i will keep praying. and waiting. but i am anxious. patience is hard to attain for me. the years i've wasted, doing nothing, self-pity, passiveness, what do i do to get out. to escape the cycle. i'm scared of not knowing what to do after breaking out. maybe that's why i keep sinning even though i don't want to or need to. gotta take risks don't i? depend on God. let's do it.